ICU

It is not everyday that a door of opportunity opens. It is not everyday that a path to your dream becomes clearer and easier to take. These moments will lead you to choosing between taking or staying. It may put you in another crossroads of your life: to whether choose the path to your dream or to stay where you are. You have to choose only one path.

It happened to me just recently. I found an advertisement that my dream school has some vacancies. I, by the way, am teaching in a public school. People always utter that being one is beneficial. They missed some points. Anyway, I downloaded the ad, studied it, asked my parents whether they would allow me to give it a try or not, and seek some advice from my trusted colleagues about it. Most of them supported me and pushed me to try. Well, anyway, nothing is lost in trying. I did. I mailed my requirements to the campus that has vacancies. It gave me relief. I silently waited for the notification about the next steps, and perhaps push through it, and see to where it may lead me. Several days had passed, I received no notification. I thought, maybe, my requirements didn't arrive on time. I lost some of my hopes, and somehow prepared that maybe it is not for me, until last Monday. While having my breakfast, I received a text message saying my application was considered. I was invited for the next steps of the application. I was notified that a demo, an examination, and an interview were scheduled in three days time. My heart pumped more blood than normal. The butterflies once again flew in my stomach. I asked for signs to whether I would push through or not. 

Waiting time, since I mailed my requirements, gave me restless spirit and dying happiness. I don't know. All I want was to find peace in whatever I may be doing. All I want was to find happiness in whatever things I may be handling. The moment I read the text message, I doubtfully composed my response to whether I will push through or not. I replied I would go, and asked some information.

For two days, I tried to find peace and happiness. For two days, I prepared for the assigned topic, and sought ways to going there. I was halfheartedly ready as I always am whenever I faced such challenge. For two days, I camped in the crossroads, contemplating whether I would really go or not.

"Choose your battles wisely," as the saying goes. "Everything is worth the risk," as how my friend advised me. I was torn in between. I wanted to push through so I may tell myself I am ready for a bigger task. I wanted to retreat because I am happy where I am at the moment. I weighed the possibilities, something I seldom did. If only these risks come at a low cost, I will always grab every single one. But, no, some come at a high cost, some required even your own happiness.

"You will never know the price to pay, if you will not at least try." That's true. "You may only find answers to your 'what ifs' in trying." That is also true. However, I believe it is still okay to have some mystery remained unsolved. That is what makes life exciting, isn't it? 

The day before the schedule, my heart's been heavy and my mind clouded. I needed to weigh the possibilities. What if I get hired, should I be ready to live alone, a hundred kilometers away from home? What if get the position, would I become happy; would I find happiness in a strange land? What if I was chosen, which would I choose, this dream I once buried long ago or the dream I am living now? Everything's uncertain. Everything's stressing me out. Everything's wiping the peace out.

"Winners never quit, and quitters never win" but only the wise know when to keep fighting and when to step back and retreat, and think of another strategy to win. 

I was always reminded of my long time goals. I always bear in mind that once I get a stable job (which happens to be teaching in a public school), I will apply for a postgraduate course. After gaining my master's degree, I will consider upgrading myself to a more challenging job.

I projected myself living away from home in one year? In two years? In three years? Maybe I can do it, yes, but how will I take my master's degree? Although, there are open universities that offer courses, however should I settle with the program available in OU? I am doubtful.

Could I live far away from the people I love, especially to the one who opens my mind to these possibilities and probabilities? Perhaps, not. No. It is a definite no. 

The night before the schedule, I told my parents of my decision. Maybe this opportunity comes only once in a while, but my readiness of the possibilities doesn't come over the night. It'll take time. I'll take time to adjust, if I have got the job. Anyway, I have a stable job and I am still satisfied with it. If teaching in my dream school was written in my stars, sooner or later I will find myself in a similar crossroads I was in. If not, then I know there is a better plan that is waiting at the end of this road I am taking.

The moment, I finally decided not to push through, peace awakened, happiness found its way back to my being. You may call me quitter, if you want, but this is what I learned in this journey I had in the past few days: ALWAYS CHOOSE THE THINGS THAT BRING HAPPINESS IN YOUR LIFE. I may earn a higher compensation, yet my heart would always yearn for something any amount wouldn't compensate. I may have one of my dreams finally came true, yet my goal would be at stake. I may become someone however my happiness is compromised. 

To those who expected me to have the bacon brought home, please accept my apologies. Bacon, at this moment, came at a higher cost than expected. I'll bring the whole pig, and let you strip some bacon. Kidding.