It's been a while since I tried to forget how to write and how to express myself through it. It has been a while since I chose not to talk about my emotions. As per you, it would only lead me to over thinking; which would lead me to loneliness. However, it only made me feel numb and callous. I regret the times I gave you all ears and followed your lead. I thought all you want for me is growth. I thought your care is genuine. Those were just pies in the sky. However, it happened already. Much of the time had been lost and wasted. All I would do now is move on and move forward. Should, not would. I should move on and move forward (something I should have done before).
I have three things to say before I close this chapter of my life, our lives, and continue moving forward: thank you, sorry, and goodbye.
Thank you for all the promises that have been broken. Thank you for giving me hope that is unreal. Thank you for showing me care that was not authentic. Thank you for everything that you might have done, but didn't. You told me to stay under your wings, but you put me under your shadow. I thought you would help me grow, but you only drain me from the inside.
You were a tree, I was just a sprout. You told me you would give me nutrients to grow even bigger. You promised me you would help me grow stronger. I believed your very words. I have just waited at the end of your rainbow. Sooner, I realised two trees may grow side by side, but not under the shadow of other. My roots went deep, so as yours. However, I struggled to find nutrients underneath for yours are far stronger and bigger. I died since then. Your shade covered the sunlight I needed. I looked for ways to at least receive enough sunlight, I couldn't. I was too weak to stand; too thin to support my leaves; too depressed to push through. I still trusted you. Years have passed, I became too lame. I was dying, you just didn't seem to care at all. I decided to uproot and find another place I might grow. I still am searching.
You were a tree, I was just a sprout. You told me you would give me nutrients to grow even bigger. You promised me you would help me grow stronger. I believed your very words. I have just waited at the end of your rainbow. Sooner, I realised two trees may grow side by side, but not under the shadow of other. My roots went deep, so as yours. However, I struggled to find nutrients underneath for yours are far stronger and bigger. I died since then. Your shade covered the sunlight I needed. I looked for ways to at least receive enough sunlight, I couldn't. I was too weak to stand; too thin to support my leaves; too depressed to push through. I still trusted you. Years have passed, I became too lame. I was dying, you just didn't seem to care at all. I decided to uproot and find another place I might grow. I still am searching.
Sorry if I haven't been as open as you want me to be. I just couldn't find it easy to open things up you just didn't dare to know. You said I should have known what to do next, when. You said I should have known why to do what. You said I was old enough to be left alone, growing. Indeed you left me--in the middle of a storm; in the middle of nowhere. Sorry if I didn't ask for your help, when I needed it most. I found you busy doing things you want to do. I found you way too occupied dealing with people you want to deal with. I am out of the picture. Sorry for expecting you to put me in the picture I am certain I didn't belong in. Sorry for expecting you to believe in what I can do; in what I can contribute. Sorry for hoping that one day you would include me in your projects; that someday we would work together in a project we have pioneered (or I thought "we" have pioneered). I was just only building castles in the air. Sorry for trusting you way too much. Sorry for entrusting my hopes and my dreams into your "loving" hands.
I should have believed what other is saying about me. I should have believed in myself more than to your "words of wisdom". I should have learned that there are people who only want to use me to be able to go to higher grounds, which sadly include you. I am sorry for being a fool and not trusting my instincts.
I have just awakened from the dreams you instilled in me. I think it is time for me to think over again and start moving on. Goodbyes may seem saddening, but it is the beginning of freeing myself from the empty promises you have given me. Good bye to every good memory we once have shared, if there are. Good bye to the hopes I have had, and dreams I thought would come true. Good bye to the past that keeps on haunting me, and hurting me. Good bye to you my once trusted friends.
I have just awakened from the dreams you instilled in me. I think it is time for me to think over again and start moving on. Goodbyes may seem saddening, but it is the beginning of freeing myself from the empty promises you have given me. Good bye to every good memory we once have shared, if there are. Good bye to the hopes I have had, and dreams I thought would come true. Good bye to the past that keeps on haunting me, and hurting me. Good bye to you my once trusted friends.
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