Caught in the Middle

"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away." Ecclesiastes 3:1,6 (NIV)

People who are surrounding me always tend to ask me, "bakit hindi ka pa lumipat sa Public [School] e licensed [teacher] ka na pala? Mas mataas ang sweldo dun, madami pang benefits." As a response, I just always nod at them and utter, "darating din tayo diyan. Naghihintay lang po ako ng tamang timing."

I am currently teaching in a private college. People think that I earn much since I was considered a professor already. The fact is, I am not. I only receive a basic salary, which is thousands lesser than I could get if I teach in a public school, with a higher tax to get paid monthly. I always tell my colleague that I want to live a life in accordance to my calling—to what He wants me to do, to my purpose, my destiny. Honestly speaking, I found my purpose in my current job. I believe I am living the way I am supposed to be living. However, things are changing. I have to consider a lot more things now than before.

Since 2014 started, I ask myself whether to stay or to go. If I choose to stay, I could spend more time learning and re-learning the things I have to understand, however compensated little. If I choose to go, a lot more opportunities could knock on my door: some would give me higher compensation. I was caught in the middle, and I definitely hate it. Before, when I am about to make a big decision, I tend to say "let destiny drives me to where I suppose to go." It is not applicable today, though. I have to make a decision on my own, with His guidance of course! It is, I think, one of the breakthroughs I have long been waiting for [to happen].

I always explain that if it is the salary that pushes me to quit my current job and look for a new one, I'd rather quit teaching FOR GOOD. I'd rather look for a job which will give me the same amount as how much I would earn when I teach in a public school. Being a teacher and being a genuine one means working selflessly and giving everything that can be given (or even more) without receiving much [in terms of salary]. It is a profession that demands passion over compensation. Anyone who wants to teach needs to be passion-driven rather than compensation-driven. A teacher is someone who works for more than the hours he stays in school. For most of the time, even at home he works. That is a life of a teacher!

For a newly graduated job-seeker, the main reason in searching for a job is to gain experience. For an experienced worker just like me, it is different, way deeper than gaining experience. As for me, it is more of searching to where I can render my service rather than having served; it more of fulfilling my destiny and responding to my calling, though not compensated much, rather than fulfilling my earthly desires and earn much. 

Definitely, I will be moving out of my recent job in due time. As per the moment, I have four reasons to quit. However, I found these reasons not enough to push through my plan, though. I still have to accumulate much courage and diligence in order not to regret whatever decision I have to make. I still have six months to think. 

Waving Goodbye

Inasmuch as I hated beginnings, I hated endings more. It is the moment when everything seems to be fading; either rejoicing or weeping; loving or hating. However, ending is always a part of life. It adds color and meaning to life. Moreover, as the saying says, "an ending is a key that opens a new beginning."

Some says the ending is the most memorable part of a story. It summarizes everything. It gives a conclusion to the conflict laid by the start (or sometimes, middle) of the story. It is always THE most awaited moment, and sometimes, the time when the story is rated as an excellent piece of work or a mediocre.

My story was sort of a typical one. I was a teacher by profession, but a learning facilitator by action. I am a friend by almost everyone who I get along with. "Teacher ka talaga..." said one of my most trusted friend. Her reason? I am after the learning of the students who were under my supervision. I'd rather hang out with them outside the classroom because I want to know them more. This profession is not just about teaching the lessons intended to be discussed. Moreover, it is about touching lives and developing these young kids to become the only hope of this dying world.

I am an educator. I always ensure that the students who are under my supervision learn. I am an innovative educator. I always befriend my students so I could also learn from them. I believe every one has a problem. As their "father", I want to know their problems and help them solve it. As their friend, I see to it that there is someone who is willing to listen to their sentiments and someone who is willing to weep with them, when needed. Someone says my way is very unprofessional and unlikely. I say, it is just the way he looked at it. I don't care about how people see or think about me. I know what I am doing is right and just. He said that students would not respect me. I defend respect is not something we demand from somebody. It is supposed to be given freely, gained by those who deserve it. My students, though treat me as their tropa, respect me for being their teacher and "kuya". They believe me and they are very open to me. They shared their stories, and I learned from it. In this setup, they wouldn't doubt asking me questions with regard to anything. With this so-called agreement, I am learning to be firm yet considerate at the same time, and; pushy and helpful amidst of difficulties.

I remembered one of my colleagues [in a school I used to teach in] complained about the noise we made in one of my classroom. I told her to visit me once in a while. She noticed the kids are enjoying our discussion without compromising the learning they had to gain. It has been my principle and my method to make every discussion enjoyable and fun inasmuch as I could possibly do. I am applying this method especially because the subject I am teaching is THE most difficult and the LEAST appreciated. With this way, I can twist the idea that Mathematics is not fun.

However, things just change in a snap of a finger. These uncontrollable variables are just taking their places in the scenario. The problem is getting complicated yet the solution remains simpler. The equation that has been made becomes an inequality. Sadly, the resulting solution becomes illogical. I need to start anew.

It would be hard, ever harder this time, to end this chapter and to start writing a new one. One very helpful reminder I saw online was stated this way:

Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or MAKES YOU HAPPY. - Anonymous (emphasis mine)

Yes, it is hard for I am hooked up with things I am doing now. Yes, it is difficult for I have already loved the "life" I am working with out. Indeed, it is not easy to start over again. However, I don't want to sacrifice the happiness I supposed to get from the things I am doing. The happiness I have now is fading. Soon before I knew it, t'was gone. So before that moment to come to pass, I wave my last goodbye. This might be an end, but I am certain this is not THE END. I am still in a long journey. I have to revive the excitement of taking new road and experiencing new adventures.

To every student who happened to be under my supervision, thank you for the lessons you have taught me and for the times we once shared. I hope you wouldn't forget the only thing I always tell you--that living is like solving math problem. It might seem way too difficult, but you can get through it.

Until next time! I do hope for your successes in life!