Wednesday, 28 August 2019

Fly Like a Kite


                Several write ups talked about the lessons we could learn when we fly a kite. They talk about how flying a kite can be applied in living in this world. However, we haven’t talked about how it is to become THE kite. Let’s look at a different angle this time.

                Some say that flying a kite talks about living in its entirety. You, being the person who flies a kite, should know that there are times the wind doesn’t go with the direction that you want to go. When this time comes, you have to learn to change your kite’s navigation. How? By constantly dragging and releasing the thread of your kite. You need to learn when to release the tension, and when to drag your kite down. Through it, you can see your kite would fly high. You are who you are; your kite could be your dream or aspiration. You are the only one who is responsible of having your kite flown high. What if you became the kite? How would it feel to be one?

                Several days ago, I was in the verge of giving up. I was in the edge of my sanity; nearing to breaking down. I was contemplating, knowing that life, yes, gave shit sometimes, and I have to get used it. I haven’t. I never got used to it. Then, I was reminded of how a kite taught me about life.



                Let me illustrate it this way: you are the kite, the person who makes you fly represents the people within your circle, and the thread is your connection with them. The kite is made of light materials, and designed the way a person wanted it to be. You are made of diaphanous material and designed the way people wanted to see you. Your nature and nurture should jive for you to become a “perfect” kite you should be. There is nothing wrong with it. You are designed to fly, anyway. When a person is done making a kite, he will tie a thread so he could make it fly. People tied a thread with you. It should be strong so the connection between the person and the kite cannot be broken by the wind. You have to have a strong connection with people around you. They will make you fly; they will make you touch the sky. There would have some attempts that you didn’t get the rhythm of the wind. That’s okay. It happens. It’s all natural. Once you get the rhythm, and once you get to learn how to fly with the wind, the person who you are connected to is rejoicing. However, in order for you to stay in the wind, you will experience constant dragging and releasing. That’s okay. It is part of life. With this constant dragging and releasing you could fly higher and higher, but you became farther and farther from the person. The tendency was he would drag you down harder so you wouldn’t reach higher. It happens. Sometimes, those people who we are expecting who could be happy with our achievements are the ones who would drag us down harder because of it. One reason might be they wouldn’t want you to reach higher, or they are afraid to let you go. The constant wind, with fluctuating strength might bring you closer to your dreams but farther from your people. The choice is yours, my dear kite. You could fly higher and chase your dreams, or you could let the people drag you down so you could stay with them for a longer time.

                Choosing one option leads you to several consequences. If you choose to fly higher, you have to cut your connection with them and let the wind bring you wherever you are destined to go. However, losing someone who navigates you makes you lose your direction. Yes, you could reach higher, but could you achieve your dreams? That, my friend, is a mystery yet to be realized.

                If you choose to let the people drag you down, you have to forget about your dreams and stay with your people. However, not all people are appreciative. There are those who, after using you, might leave you unnoticeable and rotten like they haven’t cared at all.  There are those, on the other hand, who will take care of you and let you fly again to reach your dreams again. It is only a matter of time to know who is who.

                Being a kite makes you wonder how beautiful life may be when you are up there. You need the connection in order to fly higher. You need the constant dragging and releasing to be navigated and guided to where you are going. You need the wind that will help you fly when you are there. But, most especially, you need to be strong. The wind might blow you hard and away from your navigation. The constant dragging and releasing might make the connection between you and the person cut loose. You need to have a right combination of the elements in order for you to fly high and soar in the sky. You have to fly in order to become the kite you wanted to be.

Saturday, 10 August 2019

The Things I Learned in Trusting

There are times when trusting became a big mistake. There are times when you need to stop trusting not because you are tired of it but because you are saving yourself from brokenness; not because you learned nobody's trustworthy, but because no one would do anything to help you out of what you're undergoing. Some emotions are better left hidden. Some truths are better left unsaid. Not because you are worried about what other people would think about it, but because you know no one cares about it. You have to think about yourself first. Nothing is wrong when you start to prioritize yourself. Learn to shut the door of your heart when needed. Learn to isolate yourself from the world you're living if you must. Self-love is better than masochism. 

It has been my proclivity to always extend my help to those who ask for it. It has been my practice to always be available when my friends need assistance as long as I can, and as far as I could go. I know how difficult it is having no one when you need someone.  I never asked for anything in return. It is my pleasure to always help. (Maybe that is the reason why I was always tagged as kind and generous.) If they give me something in return for whatever I did for them, I accept it; if not, it is fine as well. However, most of the time, those who I helped have given promises that, in effect,  I hold onto. Promises that are kept for a moment and forgotten forever. I know I should have not given all my trust with words. How easy it is to utter words and not mean it! I know I should have not held wholly to it. But, it is my nature to give my trust easily, even without the assurance of having them true to what they have said. I trusted easily. I think it is my weakness that I really cannot overcome. I trust even after knowing that a person is not trustworthy. I trust, even more, hoping that the words and promises will become true, for another chance and the chances thereafter. I don't know why I keep trusting, even if my heart is breaking.

Just recently, for how many times now, I have been broken. I don't know why I always receive false hopes and broken promises when all I ever did was to be true and generous. Is this how my truthfulness and generosity get repaid? I do not need promises that mean something but later become nothing. I do not need words that mean a lot on the surface but shallow in the inside. I need words that are true and will be true whatever happens, even if it seemed difficult to keep. 

I wonder why it seems keeping words and promises a difficult thing to do. I wonder why giving shallow words and breaking promises become a trend these days. Are we not giving our words high importance that we can easily just utter promises that are shallow in the first place? Do we not think that it is more hurtful to receive lies and broken promises than to know that it is impossible, at any cost,  for whatever reason there maybe,  at any chance there would be, for the kindness we gave to be reciprocated?  It is difficult, far more hurtful to learn that the promises made will be broken. It is heartbreaking as well. 

I need to learn my lesson now. It is not a mistake to doubt, and not trust. It is the right time to free myself from broken promises, and never let myself to receive another. It is the right time to move on from it, and move forward with my life. It is rightful to let those promise-breakers do the hard job to have me trust them fully again. I am not closing my doors. Yet. But soon, maybe, I need to learn not to trust again.