Two weeks have gone so fast. The semester's rolling, but still I was stuck with the thought of doubting whether I am on the right track.
I have been teaching for three years now (not to mention the years I spent teaching in a Tutorial Center). For the past three years of teaching I found my worth as a teacher, as someone who shares his knowledge to his students. Yes, I was happy then. Yes, I was satisfied. Though the work to be done was not compensated properly, the joy of knowing my students learn and enjoy learning is enough. I was idealistic, they said.
Things are constantly changing, however. The joy of teaching has been diminishing since the last time I stand in front and talk. I had become a seeker then. I was assessing myself whether I am indeed an effective teacher, a sufficient learning facilitator. I promised myself to kill the idealistic part of me and replace it with realistic one. "I am living in a real world, anyway." I said. I think I overkilled the idealistic me and find myself killing the other part of my dying personality. I was facing the reality that not all inside the room is listening and learning. It breaks my heart.
I am losing my drive to teach. I am losing my motivation to continue this journey of being a teacher. I want some diversity. I want to re-learn whether what I am doing is what I am supposed to be doing. I want to confirm my purpose in life. Sooner, just maybe, I will be resigning from this job and be looking for myself once again.I know it would be harder this time, but I still hope that I would find who I really am and why I am still living (or existing?).
