Have you ever felt like you are trusted, yet after just one
mistake the trust was suddenly gone? Have you been in a place where trust and
mistrust meet; where decisions seem to be too tough to make, too risky to have;
where you have to take a position and stand on it for a little longer
time? I had. And to tell you honestly,
it is difficult.
Being amidst of the crossroads of life seems to be an easy
word, yet when experienced, it is not. You have to make a stand whether or not
you like to do so. You have to choose which side you’re about to join in,
though you would rather choose being in the neutral corner.
Last Friday, this surprising life has stricken me hard.
Friday is usually the most tiring day for all the unsettled tasks and
unfinished businesses need to be done, in rush. Friday, for me, is the most
exciting day wherein I am not doing, or should I say teaching, my comfort
subject—Math. I am a Speech Teacher, then. Excitingly I went to school for
aside from teaching six grade levels, I was going to be the Grade 1 substitute
teacher. Sadly, the day became unfavorable. Some unexpected and unwanted
happening took place. The administration received a complaint on the very same
day. I admit it is my fault. That made my weekend gloomy. Days after, the admin
took some actions with which lead to pulling me out of the class eventually. As
for me, it is well; nothing to worry, nothing to feel bad. An admin staff talked to me about what had
happened. I told my side of the story. (Of course, there are many sides of the
story.) He, I think, gave me the benefit of the doubt.
The unexpected occurrence taught me things I thought I
already knew. The moment I felt tired is the same moment I feel God’s embrace.
Yes, though not in a physical realm, He hugged me. The moment I suddenly
exploded is the same moment I realized I indeed am a limited creation. Yes, I
am limited. I cannot do all things on my own. The very moment I raised my voice
is the very moment I reached my limitation. It is when I came to realize my
limitation. It when I realized I cannot go beyond it on my own. It is when I
realized God’s grace starts when my own will fails me, when my own strength
fades, when my own wisdom leave me.
Despite of what had happened, my heart is still filled with
thankfulness that God let me went through this path and taught me lessons I can
keep for the rest of my life. Though I am pulled out, I know I can push through
and will win this race eventually. However, I can only do this with the
strength that comes from God.
