To the one who first called me JEM

                One o’clock in the morning, I am still awake. I can’t sleep not just because of the hot weather condition, but because I was thinking about the friendship I once have had with you.

                Yes, I know it is my fault to depend on you. Yes, it is wrong to expect something from you: something that you really cannot give. It hurt me to know that you have turned me down several times, but it never taught me to give up hoping that one day, some time, you would give what I asked; you would be with me at last. It never happened though, and I know it would not!

                I got mad at you for turning me down. I showed you and I made you feel I am indeed angry with you. You were sorry, you said. I accepted your apologies, though I didn’t feel it. I accepted it for the very reason I just want to move on. I don’t want another negative vibe in my life that is filled with negative powers. You were sorry because I don’t know. Do you want our friendship be back? Are you trying to capture my trust again? These are the questions flying around the corners of my room.

                To tell you the truth, I feel guilty with letting our friendship sink in the middle of the dark blue sea. It is not wholly my fault. You have yours. I tried to seal the little hole we had, but you let it became bigger. The misunderstanding we had—that only us could settle—became the conflict we have WITH our loved ones. I blame you for sharing them our problem. I tried to hide it from my side so you could have an image white as snow, but you just let mine be stained. People kept on asking what happened on us; if we have problem or whatever. I have no other choice but to tell my loved ones the whole story. What’s their reaction? Of course, they got mad and disappointed with you. Inasmuch as I want to wash your image with them, I can’t. I can’t because I was hurt. I was hurt because you’re inept enough to tell the world what is happening with us.

                At the end of our last conversation, I tell you I can no longer consider you a friend. Yes, I mean it! With all the disappointments and all the discouragements you brought to my life, how could I consider you as one? It is my fault to call you a friend. It is my fault to choose you a buddy. It is my fault to consider you a best friend. It is my lament to consider you a brother. It is my biggest regret to consider you a twin brother. To cope with all these faults, I choose to drop you out of my list of friends.

                It is hard, though. But I believe it is just right! I treasure all the memories we have done, all the joys and the tears we have shared, the laughter and the cries, the journeys and the adventures. I will try to hide my tears so you won’t be asked what happened after we have talked. I gave you the only item we have both not to mess things around but to show I am ready to, somehow, walk the path alone.

                To you, who give the name “Jem” to me, thank you and good bye! 

WRITTEN: 22 April 2012, 1:05AM

Climbing a Sycamore-fig Tree

Almost everyone knows very well the story of this short man who used to climb a sycamore-fig tree just to have a glimpse of the Man who is known as The Messiah. This short man, by the name of Zacchaeus, was the chief tax collector of Jericho--a city where Jesus passed through before the Passover. His story, in my belief, inspires the reader and gives hope to everyone that even a sinful, a most hated man can be saved. A story that tells Jesus loves the sinners.

However, as I read and re-read this story, God revealed and showed some insights I definitely am uncertain about the first time I understood Zacchaeus' story. 

Zacchaeus is curious about who this Man, by name of Jesus, is. Jesus is so famous that even those who didn't believe at Him knew Him and knew every miracle He did. Jesus is far more than just a miraculous man. He is God! He is not just another superhero. He is THE Savior. These are just a few about who He really is. I believe Zacchaeus knew that Jesus is more than just a man who did miracles. Yes, Zacchaeus is curious about Jesus, that is why he wanted to see Him. 

In Science, something is discovered due to curiousity. Same goes with sprituality. Once we get curious about who God is and what He can do in our life, we would discover who He really is! Curiousity drives anyone to discover something. What God wants from us is to be curious about Him, and He is more than willing to show who He really is!

Driven by curiousity, Zacchaeus had this eagerness to see Jesus. But, he's short and the crowd was overwhelming. This might discourage him, but he never surrendered his eagerness. Despite of his height and of the crowd, he looked for a way to have a glimpse of Jesus. I believe his height and the crowd represent some things in our lives. The height represents our own selves. It might be our self-esteem or pride. While the crowd represents hindrances. Hindrances like our possessions, our economical status, our image, definitely our sins. Zacchaeus learned to overcome these things in his life. What he did was to climb a sycamore-fig tree and waited silently until Jesus passed through him. 

These two things--height and crowd--exist in everyone's life. We may not be aware of it, but surely they are hindering us to seeking God. We need to overcome these things to see Jesus' glory.

What makes Zacchaeus' story more interesting is that Jesus came to him and asked him to  come down and told him He should stay at his house. I believe he is not the ONLY man who climbed that tree. What amazes me is that Jesus, personally, came to the tree where Zacchaeus was and asked him to come down. Being in a high government position, Zacchaeus silently waited to see Jesus. Definitely, the crowd is noisy the moment Jesus passed through the tree, but, still, Jesus noticed him. God knows who really wants to see Him; who really wants to know Him; who really has the heart to follow Him and He is more than willing to show them who He really is. Because Zacchaeus has it, Jesus came to the very place where he was and called him by his name.

Amazing encounter happened to Zacchaeus that moment. First, Jesus noticed him though there are a lot more people who, maybe, shouting at His name and calling forth the Name of the Lord. Second,Jesus called him by his name. Third, Jesus asked him to come down for He will stay at his house. Lastly, Jesus saved him from darkness. What a wonderful encounter, isn't it?

Touched by the Holy Spirit, Zacchaeus hurriedly came down the tree and gladly welcomed Jesus to his house. And salvation came to his house, then. This part talks about a sinner welcoming God to his house (life). This is the very key to salvation--we must open our hearts and recieve Jesus into it, and ask Him to be the Lord of our lives.

To truly walk into the salvation, Zacchaeus told Jesus he would reconcile with the people he cheated by giving half of his possessions to the poor and paying back four times the amount for those he has cheated. One Pastor I talked with told me that when you are okay with God, you are okay with people. Another preacher I heard states it this way, "Remember the cross. When you are vertically strong, you are horizontally steady." 

When God revealed these things to me, I am left with nothing but teary eyes and broken heart. He reminded me of my spiritual status and how He wants to help me fix the brokenness I have within. He told me I could be in Zacchaeus' shoes and experience the sycamore-fig tree encouter. 

All I want now is to climb my own sycamore-fig tree where I can see God's glory shine upon me.